MEET SOBHANA JAYA-MADHAVAN

I was born in Malaysia and grew up in India. I had a typical middle-class happy childhood in Southern India, mostly in my home province Kerala. Both my parents wanted to go to university but they couldn’t afford it. They were determined that their children would be university graduates. Their decision to send me India to study at a convent boarding school at the tender age of five changed my life forever. My parents were progressive and my dad had a big influence on me because he was a feminist at heart. My parents expected the same for my sister and me as for my brother, which shaped the culture of the family. My father cooked, cleaned, and he did everything, so when I was young I presumed that is how all men were. I was very fortunate to have a loving family that gave me much freedom and appreciated me. At 51, I have a loving family, great friends, colleagues and most importantly, two sons who appreciate me and motivate me to be the best I can be.

I think inner strength is what gets us through life. While we are all born with inner strength, our early experiences often influence our discovery of it. If people are constantly telling you that women are weaker than men and that women can’t do as much as men, women are meant to suffer and so on, then you often end up believing in that narrative. We are doing a lot for women once they become adults. There are many movements and initiatives but I think it’s a little too late. How do we get to it from the moment girls are born? From their toys, their clothes and the early experiences we give them? How are we teaching mutual respect in the classrooms? I feel that the best gift we can give ourselves and others at a young age is education and positive scripts–scripts that teach us to respect, be brave, feel equal and good in our own skin.